did you get engaged???
the condom got lost in my hair
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
