Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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