still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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