The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
