I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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