Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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