East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I need a burrito and a hug.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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