i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
