he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
