He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
