is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
