The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
