The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
