its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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