My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
