Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
All the doctor said was why
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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