youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
