Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
