I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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