So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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