You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
