the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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