then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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