im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
