the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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