I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
