my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
