Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
