Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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