my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
