took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
