I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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