Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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