smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have fence marks all over my body
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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