I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
