I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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