I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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