it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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