fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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