I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
