I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is the high leading the old right now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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