Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
