we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
