i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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