sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
