He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
