did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
