I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
