My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
