Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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