My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
