It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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