woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
