awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
