So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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