Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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