Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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