i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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