whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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