yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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