woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
