I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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