He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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