Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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