We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
