I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
