I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My dick has a subreddit
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
