bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He felt like a one man threesome
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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